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Getting What You Want Out of a Surrogacy Partnership or How to Avoid Feeling Like You Need to Do It Again

by Leslie Pangilinan


I am currently involved with my second surrogacy partnership and I believe one of the major reasons I am doing a second one is because I didn't achieve all I wanted and needed to out of the first partnership.

One of the most important things I did between partnerships was to really sit down and analyze what I wanted and how I would know if I had achieved my dreams. Surrogacy, to most of us, is indeed a dream that we have thought about from 1,000 different angles, but maybe not from a purely selfish one. What do I want out of it? Yes, we've all said things like, to help make a family, etc. but what does that really mean to you. Does that mean that all you need to do is get pregnant, have a healthy baby and hand it over?

I don't think that is what we all have in mind when we casually respond that we want to help a couple become a family.

I believe what we want out of surrogacy is:

a relationship built on mutual respect, founded in love and trust,

a give and take partnership,

a place to share our feelings and feel validated in them,

a chance to share a pregnancy with someone who can't
  experience it without assistance,

a place to be loved for your unique ability to share yourself,
  your family, and your dreams,

to have your needs met in a business-like arrangement,

to be able to share openly,

an opportunity to re-learn how much children can bring into your life,

a chance to grow as an independent, free-thinking,
  experienced mother,

an opportunity to share your experiences with new parents to be,

a learning experience for one and all,

and more.....

Take some time, as much as you need, to thoroughly search your heart. Figure out what a happy, healthy, fulfilling partnership looks and feels like to you.

Answering the following questions may help steer you in the right direction for you:

How will you know if you have what you want?

How will you address issues if you're not getting what you need?

Who are the best partners for this very important dream
  you have had for so long?

What do you envision along the way?

How involved do you want to be in their lives and vice versa?
  Before, during and afterwards?

How will you explain your dream to your family, husband, children?

What do you want to overcome from your past birth
  experiences when you give birth to this child?

What do you want the parents to experience at the birth?

With these answers you can begin to build your dream just the way you have always seen it and it will be all that you wanted and more. Best of luck to you in making your dreams come true at the same time as the new parents who will now be a family together.


2007 OPTS - The Organization of Parents Through Surrogacy