Gestational Surrogacy Excerpts from...A Surrogate Mothers Journal
The following excerpts are from the
Journal of a gestational surrogate mother L.C., who very graciously allowed us a
glimpse into her personal thoughts and feelings during the process from 1989 -
1991. She hopes that perhaps by sharing the experience with those who have never
met a surrogate mother, they can begin to understand how and why a woman has a
baby for complete strangers.
Early on-before I decided for sure..
I wanted to be sure I wasn't playing a game with myself. Was I truly interested
in having a baby for someone else? Was I willing to be pregnant, to give birth?
It had been eight years since my youngest was born, could I cope with pregnancy
now? And what about my kids, my parents, my co-workers, the Board of Directors?
As I asked myself these questions a feeling inside me began to grow to solidify:
this was something I could do. I wasn't sure yet that I really wanted to do it,
but I knew that it was possible. It was a very big decision. There as so much to
consider. The money I would earn would be nice, it would help me take care of
some debts I had incurred over the last couple years, but it alone was not
enough. Even now it is difficult to put my feelings into words. It seemed like
such a nice thing to do, such a special thing to do--to help to bring a little
baby into this world who couldn't get here any other way. And to do it for
people who wanted a baby so badly that they would go to such extreme lengths. It
seemed to me that people who so actively sought parenthood would necessairly be
the kind of individuals who make good parents: active, concerned and involved.
Maybe that was the clincher, the knowledge that this baby I would bring into
this world have such wonderful parents. I decided that my interest was serious
enough to proceed.
My children's feelings--still early on...
I never would have pursued the idea if I didn't think they could handle it. My
main concern was that they understand that this baby would not be their brother
or sister. I felt that they could become fearful of my rejection if they thought
I was giving away my child. They needed to be completely clear on the reality on
invitro surrogacy. Luckily my children are very bright and they had no trouble
understanding the process. The idea of seeing me pregnant amused them. Not even
Josh, the oldest, could remember any of the other births. Tami, the youngest and
my only daughter, had long pestered me to re-marry and have a little sister for
her. I spent a lot of time talking with her, explaining why I didn't want any
more children. I told her that although she wasn't ever going to have a baby
sister( I had a Tubal Ligation, but could still do gestational surrogacy), this
would be a neat way for her to experience a pregnancy with me. And she would get
to see and hold the brand new baby. She had more of a problem accepting that I
didn't want another daughter than she did accepting that I could give birth to a
baby that wasn't a member of our family. My sons were both okay and though the
idea was "neat".
Feelings of friendship with my couple...
We were in a bit of a rush to get to the doctor's office so we ate lunch at a
restaurant downstairs. I think we began our friendship that day. We talked about
surrogacy, our families, but we also talked about politics and the environment.
We shared many of the same opinions and offered each other new perspectives on.
From the beginning we felt like friends. I never had a feeling of being their
employee in any way. What we were doing we were doing together. Under other
circumstances we would have become friends-- there was simply an instant rapport
between the three of us.
The story of surrogacy never ends...
The baby is here to stay and the surrogate mother is changed forever. We had all
felt close to their family, but that was to be expected. The real test of our
closeness came after she was born. The kids and I left Los Angeles knowing that
our couple were a part of our extended family for life. This surrogacy story was
a success as most of them are. I hope that we can spread the word. Surrogacy
works. When it is done properly and participants are well screened and well
informed everybody wins! In our case, as in most, we are all better off for the
experience. Just ask our children.
Faith in my own judgement...
I do know that being a surrogate mother has helped me to have faith in my own
judgement-- to be sure of myself--to know that I can do anything I set my mind
to. I can trust my hunches. I now face challenges with the memory of the
challenge of surrogacy, and how I came through gloriously, with love and pride
and many blessings!